Corporate Wellness: Don't Just Sit There, Exercise!

I have been visiting my physiotherapist Rajiv Mehta for the last three weeks now. He's helping me unfreeze my left shoulder - a seemingly common problem these days. 

Today I saw a lady clicking pictures of the various charts displayed there. One of them spoke about exercising in workplace - which reminded me that I had written about it a while back for 
Apollo Life: http://www.apollolife.com/HealthyLiving/ExerciseWorkoutRoutines/CorporateWellness.aspx

Here are the salient features of that article...

Did you brush your teeth today? Why did you brush them? Well, there are many good reasons, but probably the real reason is that it is a habit. Similarly, getting the exercise that your body needs must also become a daily habit. Exercise is essential for keeping our vital organs in proper working condition.

Without sessions at a gym or a daily dozen every morning, you can still get all the exercise you need to keep yourself fit, by utilizing the brief periods of idleness during the day.

• While you are sitting in the restaurant waiting for your food, slowly pull in the stomach, sucking the diaphragm up and up until the whole abdomen is flat from the groin to the chest, then release it little by little. Do it gently - it is the simplest way of building a good posture and a flat tummy.
• If you want to pick up something from the floor, don’t straddle your legs and bend. Put one foot forward and kneel erectly, or, when it is a light object, keep your knee still and reach straight down. For variety, squat and rise like a jack-in-the-box, it tightens flabby legs.
• Waiting at a counter for attention? Teeter on your toes a few times to uncramp foot and leg muscles. Clench and unclench the fingers to get the blood speeded up. To tone the muscles round your midriff - draw your abdomen up and in, whenever you think of it - whether sitting or standing.
• At the phone, instead of doodling, use your free hand to knead your belly or give it a gentle pummeling, and you will be surprised to see how this action tightens the torso muscles.
• Whenever you go to the toilet, before coming out, stand with your back to the door and try to push firmly against it so that you are touching from head to heels, buttocks, shoulder blades, if possible every vertebra. Do this spine-strengthening stand for five seconds and you will feel a strong pull along your backbone and neck. This ‘stretch’ improves the posture and gets rid of the aches and the cramps in the back and neck, which tend to develop, sitting through the day in the office.
• Want a firm chin? Push your chin out, pull it back, and drop it. Lift it, then give yourself a five-second message under the jaw, and there you are!
• If you have some place to stretch your legs in, indulge in the ‘heel stretch’. Just lift your feet and push the heels forward as if trying to push a wall away. Bring your toes up, so you feel the muscles behind your knees pulling like a rope. Count till six and slowly relax. This also relieves general tension.
• During a long day in the office, the body accumulates tension that is felt most in the back of the neck. In order to release that tension, sit or stand with shoulders straight. Turn your head (not the body) to the right as far as you can as if you were trying to bring your chin over your shoulder. Repeat the movement to the left side. This exercise also helps to firm up the chin and throat.

If you contract any one of your muscles to about two-thirds of its maximum power and hold that for five to six seconds once a day, it would be enough for the growth process to start!

Some of my recipes published online...Enjoy!

Sweet Semolina Balls

http://apollolife.com/HealthyLiving/HealthyRecipes/DessertsSugarFreeSweets/SweetSemolinaBalls.aspx

Warm Chickpea Salad

http://apollolife.com/HealthyLiving/HealthyRecipes/SaladsFruitPreparations/WarmChickpeaSalad.aspx

Lentil Pasta Soup

https://hyderabad.apollohospitals.com/blog/lentil-pasta-soup/

Vegetable Soup

https://hyderabad.apollohospitals.com/blog/vegetable-soup/

Oriental Noodles

http://apollolife.com/HealthyLiving/HealthyRecipes/MainCourseOnePotMealsVegetarian/OrientalNoodles.aspx

Homemade Walnut Butter

https://hyderabad.apollohospitals.com/blog/home-made-walnut-butter/

YOU are the SONG… Sing on…

The practice of traveling to far away places in search of hot springs, to effect cures for ailments dates back to pre-historic times. Every country has such ancient healing spots, which serve more or less as tourist destinations now. But the healing waters have remained – in the form of manmade Spas…

Now we have gone a step further, and have spas in the airports, malls, as well as in cruise ships, other than the hotels and resorts! Healthy living and anti-aging products seem to be the top grossers in the market.

Like in any other field, ‘innovation’ is the key to sell in the spa industry as well. The Pavia Day Spa, located in Saratoga, California, recently announced the addition of ‘Harmonic Healing’ to its menu of Spa services.

Harmonic Healing uses specially calibrated tuning forks to clear the body of negative energy blocks and rebalance it, thus restoring health. The treatments are performed on fully clothed clients. Targeting specific problem areas, the calibrated tuning forks are applied to specific acupuncture points on the body, accessing the energy meridians and chakras. The tuning forks represent a natural harmonic series based upon the orbital and vibrational properties of various celestial bodies including the Earth, Moon, Sun and the planets. The forks are activated using the Acutonics Healing System pads, then placed on the body or held near the ears.

Harmonic Healing has an interesting history. Asclepius was the god of medicine and healing in ancient Greek mythology. His healing temples were called Asclepions, and pilgrims flocked to them to be healed. They slept overnight and reported their dreams to a priest the following morning, who prescribed a cure, often a visit to the baths. Reminds one of a spa!

Now, another thing also happened in those ancient Greek temples. When one entered an Asclepion, the first thing that was done was that one’s name and important dates were analyzed. Then the musicians would convert these to Harmonics, and play the music. This would be the trigger that opened the door for healing to occur!

The ancient Greeks believed in a simple truth – the human being is a ‘song’… a Harmonic Being. Every part of our physical, emotional and mental selves is ringing out the effects of our environment and upbringing. Our every action and thought are part of a Harmonic Map. Where we are out of synch with the natural order, therein lies a disease or a sense of imbalance with life. But we can re-create ourselves simply by learning to sing a different tune.

We are our own composer, our own conductor and our own orchestra. What we sing is what we become. It is well known and understood that we become what we express, think and feel, therefore it is reasonable to assume a link between our inner ‘song’ and disease, anger, violent behaviour, or addiction… All of this dis-ease or negative experience is part of a dissonant discordant song within us.

Harmonic Healing therapy changes such dis-eased conditions for the better, by creating a more harmonious state within the person. Change always does indeed come from within!

Life is actually very simple: if we breathe poison with our words, and hold on to depressing and ugly thoughts, 'this' is what we become. As we sow, so shall we reap, and what we reap we tend to re-sow. Think: is it time for us to break the cycle? Is it time for some fresh, new seeds to be planted?

The Seeker released

Turmeric Power

Buddha Parikrama

My first brush with Buddha happened when I was just twelve years old, through a lesson in our Hindi textbook. I was not happy with the way he left his wife and newborn son and went to seek answers to his seemingly inane questions. Thus began my quest about Buddha. It has been more than three decades now and my fascination about this great philosopher has turned into deep respect. Some years ago, I met a few people who were also equally intensely charged about Buddha – one of them was a Korean. We decided to travel the Buddha circuit, see and feel all the places visited by Buddha – from Lumbini, where he was born to Kushinagar, where he passed away – though not in the same order.

The long journey began from Delhi by train to Varanasi in Uttar Pradesh. After visiting the Kashi Vishwanath temple, we went to the ghats of the river Ganga.   Buddha came crossing the Ganga to the ghats of Kashi, as it was known then, from Bodh Gaya, after attaining enlightenment, looking for his five companions who had abandoned him earlier. Early morning with the rising sun if you cross the river and go to the other side, from where you get a panoramic view of the ghats … it is not difficult to imagine Buddha walking alone on those sands…

From Varanasi we took a jeep to the nearby city of Sarnath. Rishipattana, the Deer Park, in Sarnath, was where Buddha found his ex-companions. Chaukhandi Stupa marks the spot where he first met them. It is a derelict monument, but once you manage to climb up to the top, you are able to see the Dhamekh Stupa at a diatance. A magnificent monument the sheer size of which makes you feel very small literally and figuratively, Dhamekh Stupa was built by Ashoka to mark the spot where Buddha preached Dharmachakraparivartana for the first time to his five followers and started the sangha.

In the came complex, Dharmarajika Stupa, now in ruins, marks the site where Buddha gave his first sermon. Remains of a massive Ashokan pillar mark the exact location. And Mulgandhakuti Vihara is the place where Buddha meditated during the monsoons. It enshrines the relics found in Taxila. Suddenly the realisation hit us that we have entered the world of Buddha. The peace, the monks… there was a certain sanctity in the whole environment.

Our next halt was at Bodh Gaya in Bihar. Known as Uruvela earlier, it is situated on the banks of river Phalgu (ancient Niranjana). On the banks of the river, under the Bodhi tree, for 49 days Buddha sat facing the east, till he attained enlightenment. Bodh Gaya jolted us back to the present, with its beggars accosting the tourists, pavements spilling over with vendors selling rosaries, incense, Buddha images et al. The roadside dhabas selling chai-pakoras were no different from any tourist spot.

A little away from the main city, in the Pragbodhi caves, on the Brahmayoni hill, Buddha practiced severe austerities for 6 years. After which Sujata, the daughter of the village chief of Senani, offered him a bowl of kheer. Sujata’s village, her house, are not a part of the regular tourist circuit, so not very many people get to see them. We were lucky to have a Professor of Buddhist studies as a guide taking us to these beautiful spots where as we listened to him telling us the story of Sujata, we could actually feel the presence of Buddha. After all it was here that he became Buddha!

The famous Mahabodhi temple in the city of Bodh Gaya has seven spots within its precincts, including the Bodhi tree, which are sacred because Buddha spent a week each here, soon after his enlightenment. The Bodhi tree here is said to have been planted from a sapling from the original tree – under which Buddha attained enlightenment. The entire temple complex seems like a small monastery, with monks all over, praying, chanting, meditating… the vibrations make you sit, and if not pray, just watch the others praying – and suddenly you realise that you have begun praying too.

Overcoming the temptation of revisiting the Mahabodhi temple, after having being there twice already in a day, we set out for Rajgir. The roads, or lack of them, reminded us constantly that we were in Bihar. Indiscriminate stopping of vehicles on the roads by lathi-weilding villagers got scary at times. But then we had two hard-core Biharis with us who were adept in handling such unpleasant situations. Known as Rajgriha back then, Rajgir was the capital of Bimbisara. After renouncing his royal heritage, Siddhartha came to this city first seeking salvation. Bimbisara offered half of his kingdom to him if he stayed back. Siddhartha declined promising to return after getting enlightened. He did that.

Rajgir the city was not as commercial as Bodh Gaya and neither as dirty, but again there was a pervading sense of unease in the evening and night. We had a security guard with us throughout our brief stay. In the rock cut caves of the Griddhakuta hill, in Rajgir, Buddha spent many rainy seasons meditating. Here he preached the Lotus Sutra and the Wisdom Sutra. Here Devadutta tried to kill him by hurling a boulder at him; and also by sending a mad elephant to him. Close by is Jivakamravana vihara, a mango grove presented to the Buddha by Jivaka, the royal physician. Only ruins remain indicating the existence of a monastery once. The only pace in Rajgir where one gets transported back to Buddha is Venuvana vihara, a bamboo grove, where Buddha used to bathe in the Karanda tank. After Buddha attained mahaparinirvana, the first Buddhist council was held in Rajgir to codify his teachings.

Our next halt was Nalanda, the most renowned university of ancient India. Buddha came here often and stayed at Setthi Pavarika’s mango grove. Sariputra, one of Buddha’s very close disciples, attained nirvana here. To call the ruins of Nalanda impressive would be grossly understating the fact. They told us that besides what can be seen today, there is a lot more still unexcavated at Nalanda. Standing atop the ruins of one of the hostels in the Nalanda campus, hearing that in its heydays a hundred subjects were taught here to students from all over the world was a proud moment indeed. Our Korean friend was busy clicking photographs. But it was not possible to capture the magnitude of the fact that once hundreds of students were living and studying here, in a well-planned, well-designed university campus. We felt blessed in being a part of such glorious heritage.

Situated on the banks of Ganga, Patna, once known as Pataliputra, was our next destination. Ajatashatru built a fort here, which the Buddha saw in his last days and prophesied that the city would always be threatened by fire, flood and feud. The ruins of the city are seen in Kumrahar. The remains are housed in the Patna museum. Unfortunately nobody seemed to have the time or inclination towards Buddha even in the museum. Politics is all that one gets in the city, again with the warning not to venture out alone in the night.

With much relief, we headed towards Vaishali. The vast stretches of fields overflowing with vegetables all through the drive took away the discomfort of broken roads to a great extent. Because of being a part of the Ganga basin, Bihar happens to be a very fertile state. Buddha taught Ratna Sutra in Vaishali and women were ordained in the sangha for the first time here, starting from Buddha’s foster-mother Gautami. At Kutagarshala vihara, Buddha gave his last discourse, and declared the imminent mahaparinirvana. Ashoka has built a Stupa to mark the spot. Vaishali is also known for Amrapali, the famous courtesan, who invited Buddha to her house. Amvara, the neighbouring village, is the site of her mango grove dwelling. She gifted it to the sangha and joined the order herslf. This was the best part of the trip for me as I felt a strong sense of déjà vu… so much so that I guided the guide through the thicket along a mud track right upto the point where Amrapali lived. A well is there where her house must have been once. Needless to say that the guide was suitably impressed, as this spot is not a part of the regular tourist circuit, so very few people know of it. Buddha’s favourite disciple, Ananda attained nirvana on the outskirts of Vaishali. A hundred years after Buddha’s passing away, the second Buddhist council was also held in Vaishali.

We left Bihar at Vaishali and entered Uttar Pradesh in Kushinagar. Kushinara, as it was known then, was the place selected by Buddha for his mahaparinirvana. After his last sermon at Vaishali, he came here. On the way he stopped at Pava, where Chunda, a metalsmith, gave him his last meal. On a bed, prepared by Ananda, under two Sal trees, Buddha attained mahaparinirvana. The Mahaparinirvana temple enshrines a statue in that posture. On the seventh day after the mahaparinirvana, Mahakashyap lighted the funeral pyre at Mukutabandha vihara. Remains of the stupa can be seen. In fact more than the Mahaparinirvana temple, it is here at this stupa that one gets a sense of peace and a strong desire to meditate.

Kushinagar is close to the Indo-Nepal border and we crossed it to reach Lumbini in Nepal. There is a custom check at the border, so it is advised not to carry much luggage with you. We stepped across the border straight into a sardarji’s dhaba to have a breakfast of choley-bhature! Lumbini is the sacred site of Buddha’s birth. A temple complex houses the tank where Mahamaya had her bath before delivery. The Sal tree and the sacred stone slab are present at the exact location. Ashoka erected a pillar, Rummendei pillar, to mark the place. Hardly any tourists are seen here. The locals come to the tree and seek its blessings and when their wishes are granted they come back to tie a flag on it. None of them seemed Buddhists.

Back to Uttar Pradesh, this time to Kapilavastu. Buddha spent the first three decades of his life here. Ruins of the palace can still be seen. We spent some time roaming about the ruins, imagining the grandeur that young Siddhartha must have left behind… so powerful must have been his urge to find the truth…

Our last stop was at Sravasti, near Kushinagar. It was the annual monsoon retreat of Buddha for 25 years. Jetavana vihara built by Sudatta, contains the ruins of Anandakuti and Gandhakuti, where Buddha stayed and expounded the major part of the Tripitakas. The vast lawns of the vihara and the ruins transpose you yet again to Buddha. A few monks scattered here and there complete the picture. It was in Sravasti that Buddha performed the miracle of levitating on a thousand petalled lotus, causing fire and water to leap out of his body and multiplying in the air, in response to a challenge from six non-believers.

We were back to Kushinagar to catch a train for Delhi; tired physically yet refreshed mentally.

Sweet Smelling Solutions

We were living in England and I was suffering from a chronic backache compounded by chronic fatigue and going through a kind of vicious cycle – one problem leading to the other and vice versa. Being married to an allopath had its advantages of receiving full medical attention, but I guess my problems were very stubborn and would just not get resolved. So I took a break and flew to London for a weekend to visit my aunt. Without wasting any time she pushed me to go in for aromatherapy sessions.

So my first meeting with an aromatherapist took place in a lilac-coloured room in southwest London. Christine Westwood had practised aromatherapy for three years, having trained under Robert Tisserand. She was also on the council of the International Federation of Aromatherapists, the governing body of aromatherapists in UK setting standards for various training schools.

Her treatment began with a questionnaire on my physical condition and diet and then followed a refreshing massage. The sessions began with a thorough back massage using geranium and bergamot oils, an uplifting combination – good for anxiety (and oily skin). Concentrating on my back she pinpointed a very knotty area where stress had apparently been building up for some time – areas where the muscles had absorbed stress turned very tender during the massage. Face down on the massage table; she put me through what can only be described as a physically refreshing and mentally uplifting experience.

Although Marguerite Maury and her husband, a homeopath, developed the modern practice of aromatherapy in Europe, after World War II, its origins lie in the annals of most ancient cultures and traditions. Combinations of resins, oils and fragrant plants were used in various forms for ceremonial, medicinal, or pleasurable reasons in most ancient civilizations. Aromatherapy (as it is today) was actually stumbled upon at the beginning of this century when a French chemist named Rene-Maurice Gattefosse plunged his scalded hand into some lavender oil that lay nearby and found that the pain of the burn was eased. Because he experienced almost instantaneous pain relief followed by rapid healing of the burn, he carried out research on wounded soldiers during World War I. Gattefosse’s research revealed that essential oils could penetrate the skin and via extracellular fluids reach the blood and lymph, which then transports them to the internal organs. In fact the modern term ‘Aromatherapy’ was coined in 1928 by Rene-Maurice Gattefosse. Decades later, another French medical doctor Jean Valnet, inspired by Gattefosse’s research, published his own work in 1964, The Practice of Aromatherapy. In 1977, Robert Tisserand released his book The Art of Aromatherapy and was successful in capturing American interest in this ancient healing art. Through Valnet’s, Tisserand’s, and other scientists’ work of the current era, the healing science of Aromatherapy began to be more widely known in the West.

However, Ayurveda, the traditional Indian medicine, has been practiced for more than 3000 years and incorporates aromatic massage as one of its main lifestyle aspects. It is used to strengthen and rejuvenate the body, as well as therapeutically to detoxify it. Aromatic massage helps balance the body and mind, by increasing circulation to bring more nutrition to the cells and helping to remove metabolic wastes and toxins built up in the system. Essential oils used in the ayurvedic massage depend on the person’s type (prakriti) and the ailment s/he is suffering from.

Aromatherapy is more of a complementary than alternative therapy. It detoxifies the body, increases blood circulation, and boosts the immune system and the lymphatic system. The release of stress allows the body’s own healing process to begin. These essential oils can be massaged into the skin, added to bath water or vapourised in an oil burner, to produce a wide range of therapeutic effects in complaints ranging from all kinds of aches and pains and skin disorders (like eczema) to poor circulation, digestive problems, rheumatism, sinusitis, insomnia and depression.

Essential oils are the odoriferous substance in the roots, leaves, flowers, bark and resin of plants. Some plants contain several types of essential oils. The orange tree, for example, has one kind of oil in the flowers, another in the leaves and a different one in the fruits. Some oils are clear, others lightly coloured ranging from pink to brown, green to yellow. The main constituents of oils are alcohol, aldehydes, acids, esters and acetone. Any essential oil that is not pure and has been treated in any way should be avoided, as its action will be different from that of the pure oil. In addition, there would be an increased chance of allergic reactions to such oils. All essential oils are easily damaged by light and should be kept in dark bottles. It takes about one tonne of rose petals to make one kilo of essence, which makes the essential oils used in aromatherapy extremely precious and invariably expensive.

Most oils fall into three categories: Top ones, which are the fastest acting and most stimulating and uplifting to mind and body (basil and eucalyptus), middle ones, which are moderately volatile and affect the functions of the body such as digestion and menstruation (geranium and juniper), and the base ones, which are slower to evaporate and the most sedating and relaxing (myrrh and sandalwood).

When inhaled, essential oils affect our bodies in several ways. The essential oil component molecules enter the nasal passages where they stimulate the olfactory nerve. This sends messages directly into the limbic system. The limbic system, located in the brain, is the seat of memory, learning and emotion. The inhalation of the essential oils triggers changes within the limbic system which in turn can stimulate physiological responses within the body via the nervous, endocrine or immune systems. I remember my grandmother putting muslin pieces dipped in sandalwood oil under my pillow before my exams, to relieve me from nervousness.

Local application of diluted oils on various points is also effective. It provides relaxation (muscular) as well as a physiological action through the nervous system. In addition, when applied topically, essential oils can exhibit anti-microbial, antiseptic, anti-fungal, or anti-inflammatory properties.

In a therapy session, the aromatherapist will first have a chat to find out about your state of mind, current dietary and exercise habits and any physical problems. Treatment may take the form of inhalation, where a few drops of oil are put in a bowl of boiling water and the healing vapours are inhaled. But generally, the treatment is in the form of massage. The oil is diluted and massaged into the problem area. Once having decided on the blend of essential oils the therapist will massage areas of your body, mostly in regions of the head, including the face, back and feet. The massage has to be performed on bare skin. Tiny quantities of the oils are mixed with a pure vegetable oil, which is then massaged into the skin. Due to the highly penetrative nature of the skin, the oils reach the small blood capillaries in the dermis layer of the skin and begin their action. The parts of the body untouched are covered with thick towels. A course of treatment may require between 10 to 50 sessions.

Different oils are used for different physical and emotional problems and the aromatherapist usually employs a blend of two to three oils to suit the individual’s specific problem. A few of the popular aromatherapy oils are: Peppermint for digestive disorders; Rosemary for muscular pains and as a mental stimulant; Sandalwood for depression, anxiety and nervous tension; and Lavender for headaches, insomnia, burns, aches and pains.

Somehow as I am growing older, and studying more and more about the various alternative therapies, I tend to remember my grandmother – she had a therapy for every ailment! It seems I will spend the rest of my life trying to understand the science behind her prescriptions…

Social Anxiety

As a professional dancer, Seema has performed before audiences of hundreds or even thousands and never felt self-conscious. But this same woman gets tongue-tied and shy when it comes to doing something simple like making a telephone call - that she hovers around the phone for hours trying to work up her nerve to dial. “I am convinced that the other person may ask me something I don’t know,” she explains.

Seema suffers from ‘social anxiety’. It is an extreme form of shyness or self-consciousness, which is often irrational. Social anxiety can be broadly divided into four basic categories. Performance anxiety is one which a person faces while appearing on stage or speaking in public. Status anxiety arises out of shying away from authority figures, celebrities or people who are especially well dressed or attractive. Attention anxiety refers to a situation where a person feels that he or she is getting too much or too little attention in a particular situation. Crowd anxiety makes a person nervous about ceremonies like weddings, funerals, formal parties or simply being amidst a certain group of people.

There is evidence from studies that shyness may be genetic to some extent. So psychologists have consequently begun to think in terms of two categories of social anxiety. The ‘disposition’ or genetic variety, which shows up very early in life, appears equally in boys and girls. It is likely to manifest itself physiologically (racing heartbeats, sweating, upset stomach, blushing), and can also be kept under control with deep-breathing exercises. The ‘cognitive’ variety, which appears at adolescence, is more common among girls, and usually manifests itself in thoughts, for example “they must be thinking I’m stupid”.

It is believed that parents can help by not labelling their children as ‘shy’ (and creating a self-fulfilling prophecy). Parents should encourage their children to take interest in performing arts, as it helps to nip the cognitive social anxiety in the bud - the more drama, dance and movement they do, the less self-conscious they feel.

The psychiatry department of the University of Pennsylvania has pioneered the ‘homework’ approach for the socially anxious. The idea is to get the person to pay attention to the actual situation that they are in, not to their cognitive distortion of that situation. Clients are given assignments to tackle potentially upsetting situations, such as striking up a conversation with an attractive person in a bar. The therapist may even accompany the client to the bar – and then provide the client with a reality check, forcing him or her to evaluate whether the person at the bar has really said something to indicate a lack of interest in the client, or whether the rejection is all in the client’s head.

Similarly, a person with anxiety about public speaking might be videotaped and then asked to watch it. In many cases, the person is in fact more poised than she or he imagines, and even where they are not, it is important to get them to realise that one does not have to be totally charismatic and in control of every situation.

Idyllic Ibiza

Unbelievable! That’s how our friends reacted when we told them what we felt about Ibiza. They maintained that Ibiza is a place for the young, for those who love clubbing, dance, music and the works… not for us! I totally disagree.

Ibiza has two sides to it – one, the laid-back daytime one, and the other, partying nightlife one – both endless.

Ibiza is a Spanish island in the Mediterranean Sea, reachable by regular flights and ferries. I had read somewhere that you don’t get to see many Indians in Ibiza, but that turned out to be a fallacy as well. In our flight from Barcelona, there were two ‘honeymoon’ couples and a large Gujarati family, all set to enjoy their holidays, just like us.

We hired a car from Ibiza airport and drove down to the city, to the apartment that we had booked for three days on Figueretas Beach. There are plenty of apartment blocks on hire and add to the charm of the place – walking through the beach to buy the essentials, rustling up a quick hot meal to eat in the balcony overlooking the sea, the sound of the waves lulling you to sleep in the night… need I go on!

The beaches

The first day we just explored the nearby area – strolling on the endless stretch of Figueretas Beach bordered by a palm fringed promenade, listening to the birds and the surf through the setting sun. The promenade comes alive with eateries and handicraft stalls in the evening. The weather was clear and we could have a great view of the old walled town of Dalt Villa from the beach.

On feeling tired, we just walked into a beachside eatery to have dinner. Though the place is known for its seafood, my husband being a vegetarian, we opted for sautéed Mediterranean vegetables. The Sangria was great – I had no reason to complain! (Sangria is a Spanish drink made with wine, cut fruits and a dash of brandy.)

Have car, will drive! That’s what my husband felt and we started off on a long exploratory drive the next day. The weather was pleasant with occasional drizzle and cool wind. The drive through the rural landscape of hills, bays and cliffs, and lush green fields dotted with quaint whitewashed houses, was nowhere close to the impression one carries about Ibiza! We started with Las Salinas in the south and drove on to Cala Boix in the east. The beaches were empty because of the weather, but we enjoyed walking on the brown sands listening to the roaring waves. Incidentally, the brownish colour of sand here is because of the Pine needles covering its cliffs. We had a lovely freshly baked Pizza accompanied by Patatas Bravas in the beachside cafe of Benirras beach in the north.

The heritage

Having gotten rid of the driving bug from our system, we decided to explore the main Ibiza town the next day on foot.

Although better known as Spain’s hippest party destination, Ibiza is also known for its UNESCO World Heritage Dalt Villa, a fortified town that rises to a dizzying height on the sun bleached cliffs overlooking the Mediterranean Sea. Cutting across the main town, we climbed up the steep cobbled street, crossed the drawbridge and entered through a huge gate into the fascinating old world charm of Ibiza’s ancient capital. We needed plenty of puff to climb, but it was well worth the hike. There were plenty of places on the way to stop and refuel ourselves! Amidst the winding alleys, Dalt Villa (means High Town) has remnants of medieval walls, traces of Moorish and Carthaginian fortifications, impregnable monolithic ramparts topped by a whitewashed cathedral. Gothic buildings overhanging the cobbled stone courtyards, lively cafes and shops with the local craftspeople exhibiting their wares, added to the charm. The spectacular view from the high terraces was a bonus! We ended our day with a hearty meal of Paella and Escalivada.

Trudging back to our apartment, we were tired but happy. The next morning, while driving back to the airport, we planned our next trip to Ibiza…this time with our friends!

When to go:

Ibiza’s clubbing season runs from early June to early October. October to April is the best time for a quiet holiday.

A Long Drive... To Manali

Whenever we need a break from our hectic work schedules in Delhi, we look towards the nearby mountains - any place that would be drivable by car and would be free from city sounds.

This time we headed towards the Kullu Manali region in Himachal Pradesh. We started off at 5 o’clock in the morning, with our cars loaded with, apart from our luggage, lots of food and water. Our first halt (for breakfast) was after Chandigarh, at a wayside restaurant (there are quite a few with clean toilets on the way – look out for Verka milk booths for good milk and milk products). Leaving Ropar and Bilaspur behind, we took the lunch break at Mandi, a quaint town located at the junction of Kullu and Kangra valleys. They say that there are around 80 temples in this town!

  

The best part of the drive is through the Kullu valley itself, with the Beas river flowing alongside, through the lush green mountains with occasional snow peaks peeping from behind the distant ranges.

We reached Manali at 5pm after the 12-hour drive. The journey was tiring, no doubt, but on reaching our cottage, the breath-taking view of the snow-clad mountains made us forget the aches and pains of the long drive. The waiting cups of steaming hot tea also helped!

  

Exploring Manali

The next day we went down to explore the town. A walk down the Mall road was very refreshing and appetizing as the range of cuisine being offered was amazing, from Italian, Israeli, Chinese, Japanese, Tibetan to German and the veritable Continental. This was besides the regular Punjabi, Gujarati, Mughlai, South Indian and the chaat pakori for people like me.

   

For the shoppers, there were Tibetan goods, local hand knitted woolens, Buddhist items, Kashmiri embroidered clothing, Kullu shawls, caps and a lot of chunky jewellery and knick knacks found in every hill station and in Delhi’s Jan Path as well.

Beyond the Mall is the Hadimba Temple, a four storeyed pagoda like structure built in 1553, dedicated to Hadimba, the demon wife of Bhima (one of the Pandava brothers). The legend here says that Bhima married Hadimba here after killing her cannibal brother Hadimb. Hadimba is considered to be an incarnation of goddess Kali, and the image worshipped in this temple is a huge footprint of hers.

  

About 3 km north of the Mall is the old Manali. It is said that after the great pralaya (flood) Manu first stepped on the land at this place. Manali is also Manu-alaya or Manu’s home. There is a temple dedicated to Manu here, perhaps the only one in India.

 

Getting Adventurous

Our children booked the next day for adventurous activities. There were options of rafting on the Beas and paragliding. The children chose the latter. About 15 km north of Manali is the Solang Valley, where we went for paragliding. The children enjoyed the exhilarating experience and I was happy chatting with the Gujarati tourists.

 

We could not leave Manali without visiting Rohtang. Because of the heavy snow in that region the road to Rohtang Pass was damaged, so we could only go till Marrhi. There were snow slopes and we had to wear fur coats, boots and gloves (which one could rent). We could ski or just slide down the slopes on sleds. The enterprising village folk had set up Tea stalls serving hot tea and bread pakoras. Total fun!

 

The next day we packed up and left Manali, heading for Rewalsar. On the way, we took a break for lunch at the picturesque little village of Nagger, 13 km south of Manali. It has a Nagger castle, built 500 years ago, now converted into a hotel. What enticed me here was the Roerich Gallery, about 1 ½ km from the castle, exhibiting paintings by Nicholas and his son Svetoslav Roerich. The ground floor of the cottage is the gallery and the first floor, the living quarters of the Roerichs. Peeping through the glass windows, observing their belongings, one could sense the strong bond they felt for this place. Their glowing landscapes and mountainscapes tell the rest!

The journey to Rewalsar was tough, as the roads kept on winding and climbing at the same time. The glimpses of snow-clad ranges were a help though, in breaking the monotony of the drive.

Perfect Ending

The Revalsar Lake is located well into the hills, so much so, that we could glimpse it only when we actually reached it. It was well worth the spinning drive! After quickly checking into the H.P tourism hotel, we freshened up and promptly came out to explore the place. The township surrounds the lake, which we decided to circumambulate.

Rewalsar is considered holy by the Buddhists because Padmasambhava started his journey to Tibet from here. He is credited for introducing Buddhism to Tibet. A beautiful monastery is dedicated to him here.

This place is holy to Hindus, because it is said that Lomas Rishi did tapasya here to please Lord Shiva, who in turn gave him seven lakes in this region including Rewalsar. These lakes are said to be formed by the waters of Ganga and Yamuna. Next to the monastery are three temples dedicated to Lord Krishna, Lord Rama and Lomas Rishi.

Carry on walking and one comes across a large gurudwara dedicated to the Sikh Guru Gobind Singh who is said to have spent a lot of time at this lake.

  

No wonder the place had such immensely soothing vibrations… a place where you do not require to meditate consciously, meditation happens!

After spending the night, we headed towards Delhi the next morning, promising to come back again. Such trips not only act as de-stressors, but somehow act as humbling experiences as well.

Being Highly Sensitive

Are you one of those who feel disconnected from the society in general? Do you have difficulty fitting into any group? You are uncomfortable around bright light, loud noise and bright flashy colours. No one understands your need to be alone. You seem to know things without being told… And all your life you thought something was wrong with you!

The good news is that you are not dysfunctional. You are a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) - there is actually a term for it! And you are not alone; you share this attribute with at least 20% of the people who are referred to as shy or touchy or introvert etc.

A highly sensitive infant is more peaceful when alone. Certain people terrify them, toy mobiles upset them, rocking irritates them and weather/environment changes make them restless. They may be colicky and their digestive systems may not tolerate all foods. But these babies are very creative and alert. They may walk and speak early.

HSPs respond strongly to their environment and become exhausted from taking in and processing the external stimuli. They are born with a sensitive nervous system and sensory organs that may see, smell, taste, hear or feel more keenly than others. As adults, they may also think, reflect or notice more than others. The processing is largely unconscious. HSPs grow up thinking that they are flawed, especially when crowds of people, loud music or simply a busy day stresses them out. At such times, they need quiet time alone to recover.

HSPs are not known for being impulsive or reckless. In fact, they may be over cautious at times. They foresee the consequences of words and actions. Any kind of change is difficult for them to accept. They feel happy in their hearts on a joyous occasion but are often unable to express their feelings. Since they try to hide themselves, they are seen as inhibited or unsocial. HSPs do not like social gatherings and prefer having intense one-to-one conversations. Developing boundaries for safety and comfort is important to them. They would actually prefer a walk in the park to watching a cricket/tennis match!

An HSP's tendency towards withdrawal may present unique difficulties in their relationships. They turn inwards for protection against what they are experiencing. A lack of self-esteem can turn them into people-pleasers and they can end up feeling lonely in the relationship. Their ability to pick up subtle cues and ambivalence in the unconscious processes of the other person, can affect their own communication in the relationship. Many times, even though they understand what is going on, they are unable to express it and end up blurting out something negative. At these times, they are acting out their own insecurities and past experiences of being humiliated for their sensitivity. The way out of this dilemma for them is to become more conscious of their own habitual reactions and to take more time out to be alone.

HSPs appreciate friendship and like to talk about their feelings, but often believe no one else is interested. An open and sharing relationship – preferably with another HSP – can be of great benefit in providing understanding of what does and doesn’t work. Entertainment and excitement are not what holds a sensitive relationship together – HSPs are more interested in deepening their self-awareness and never get bored of listening to their partner’s dreams.

Not surprisingly, HSPs are also very sensitive to food. Stimulants like alcohol and caffeine are toxic for their sensitive systems. But then, there are no special diets for them either, as their levels of sensitivity are anything but static! The HSPs have to understand the fascinating refining process continually being experienced by their own body/mind/soul and observe for themselves what suits them best.

Once the HSPs stop trying to be like the strong and tough extroverts, they often develop a keen interest in and gratitude for their own consciousness, which benevolently takes them into unexplored realms. These complex inner realms, largely avoided or ignored by others, become the individual paths for these people to wholeness and happiness.

Existence/Nature/God has a way out for everyone…

The Prodigal Son – Buddha Vs. Jesus

According to the Buddhist Lotus Sutra, one of Buddha’s disciples Mahakashyap related this parable in one of his discourses.  

Once upon a time, there was a rich merchant who had a teenage son. The son fell in bad company and one day took his father’s money and ran away from home. After he had spent all the money, his friends left him, and he had to wander from town to town, doing odd jobs to earn a living, and finally when he could not get any work, he had to beg for a living. All this while, the merchant had been looking for his son but had failed to find him. Many years passed, and as the son was getting poorer, his father was getting richer and richer.

One day, the son came wandering back into his hometown. When he saw his father’s new big house, and horse-drawn carriages, he hesitated to approach him and turned away from the gate. But as he was turning to go away, the father who had just stepped out on the balcony saw and recognised his son. He immediately ordered his guards to get him. As the guards approached the son, he got scared and tried to run away. But the guards were stronger and caught him, tied him up and brought him to see the merchant.

The merchant and his son looked at each other without saying a word. The father knew that his son had a very strong will and it would not work if he tried to lure him back with money alone. So, without saying a word, he ordered the boy’s release and let him go. The son was glad that he was free, but continued to beg for a living, as he had no work.

The next day, the father sent one of his senior employees to offer the job of an assistant, to the boy (without disclosing his relationship) in one of his shops. Having wandered from town to town looking for work, the son happily accepted the job immediately.

As the son kept on working, the father did not say anything about their relationship to any other employees, customers, suppliers, friends or relatives. However, the son proved himself to be a good worker and soon earned the respect of his fellow employees. As time went by, he was promoted to a senior position. All this while the son did not know that his father was his actual employer.

One day, the merchant fell sick, and feeling that his end was near, he gathered all his employees, friends and relatives to announce his will. He finally disclosed the father-and-son relationship to everyone. The son, by this time, had proven his ability to inherit his father’s business.

Mahakashyap concluded that the father represented Lord Buddha and the son represented the followers.

Although a similar story appears in the Bible (Luke: Chapter 15, 12-32), there is a very significant philosophical difference. There the father forgave the son immediately and gave him all his heritage as soon as the son accepted his sin and asked for forgiveness, implying that success is a grace from God. Here in the Lotus Sutra, after the reunion, the son proved his ability to take over his father’s heritage, implying that success is largely a result of your own effort.

On Workaholism

If work consumes you and destroys your personal life, there could be more going on – you could be a workaholic!

In Japan, it’s called karoshi or ‘death by overwork’ and is estimated to cause 1,000 deaths per year. In the Netherlands, it’s resulted in a new condition known as ‘leisure illness,’ estimated to affect 3% of its entire population. In the U.S. workaholism is known as ‘respectable addiction.’

Workaholism is an addiction, an obsessive-compulsive disorder. It is certainly not the same as working hard or putting in long hours. The difference is – a person who works hard would think about playing golf over the weekend, but a workaholic would think about work while playing golf over the weekend!

A workaholic’s obsession with work is all-consuming, which prevents them from maintaining healthy relationships, outside interests, or even take measures to protect their health. They neglect their health to the point of devastating results and ignore their friends and family. They avoid going on vacation so they don’t miss work. And even if they do go on vacation, they aren’t fully present because their mind is still on work. Often, they only realise their problem when something catastrophic happens to them -- their health completely fails or their marriage or relationships are destroyed.

Workaholics actually have a physiological need for the adrenaline rush and they tend to seek out jobs that allow them to exercise their addiction. The workplace itself does not create the addiction any more than the supermarket creates food addiction, but it does enable it. The addiction, like most things, is a state of mind.

Workaholics tend to seek high-stress jobs to keep their adrenaline rush going. And it has nothing to do with working in office or any other workplace. Seemingly normal looking people, housewives, mothers, grandmothers…could be workaholics too! Homebound workaholics could be parenting to the point where there is nothing else to balance their lives, no hobbies or fun, they would spend all their time as the PTA member/president, or running a social/community club, etc. Look around and you will find these people in your local RWA or housing society.

Research shows that the seeds of workaholism are often planted in childhood. Many workaholics are children of alcoholics or come from some other type of dysfunctional family, and work addiction is an attempt to control a situation that is not controllable. Others tend to be products of families where parents tend to be perfectionists and expect unreasonable success from their kids. These children grow up thinking that nothing is ever good enough. Workaholism could also be a by-product of low self-esteem.

Unfortunately, perfection is unattainable. Anyone who carries a mandate for perfection is susceptible to workaholism, because it creates a situation where the person never gets to cross the finish line, because it keeps moving farther out!

What can be done? It really comes down to recognising the need of balance in your life. Working hard is great, but you need to be able to turn if off and savour the other parts/aspects of your life -- friends, family, hobbies and fun...

Becoming A Father

A man reacts to his wife’s pregnancy with various feelings. Protectiveness of the wife, increased pride in the marriage, pride about his virility (that is one thing men always worry about to some degree) and anticipatory enjoyment of the child. But there can also be, way underneath, a feeling of being left out (just as small children may feel rejected when they find their mother pregnant), which may be expressed as grumpiness towards wife and wanting to spend more evenings with friends.

These reactions are certainly no help to the wife, who craves for extra support at this unfamiliar (if it is the first pregnancy) stage of her life. But why does a husband react so? Somehow, a woman’s pregnancy and postpartum (after delivery) depression and anxiety are widely recognized, but the postpartum problems her husband may encounter are not.

The husband is apt to feel particularly left out during the hospital period, more so with his first baby. He looks after his wife during her pregnancy. He helps to get her safely to the hospital where there are dozens of people to take care of her. Then he is really alone, sitting in the waiting room worrying about his wife and the baby. When he goes to see them, the hospital certainly does not make him feel the head of the family here, everyone seems to be totally engrossed in the mother and the baby!

Nevertheless, he can remind himself that his feelings are probably not nearly so churned up as his wife’s, especially after coming home. She has been through an intense physiological change. If it is her first baby, she cannot help feeling anxious as well. The baby would make great demands on her strength and spirit, more so in the first few months.

What all this adds up to is that most women need a great deal of support and comfort from their husbands at this time. To be able to give a lot to the baby, they must receive more than usual. Partly it is the need of the father’s participation in the care of the baby and in the housework. Even more is the emotional support, patience, understanding, appreciation and affection. The father’s job may be complicated by the fact that if his wife is tired and upset, she will not have the spirit to be appreciative of his efforts. In fact, she may even be complaining and nagging. But if he realises how much she needs his help and love, it will encourage him to give it anyway.

Wives must welcome and encourage their husbands to cuddle and feed and talk to their baby, because there are some husbands who may not choose to do so. This is not always easy. Rekha, on becoming mother for the first time admits, “I felt I was the only one who could satisfy my son and that anyone else would do it less perfectly. But my husband wanted to be involved and I had to accept that he could only learn if I let him get hands-on experience. I also had to realize it was okay for my husband to do things his own way with our son, even if that meant they spent the whole evening playing with toys when I would have preferred that they go for a stroll in the park.”

The father and the mother nurture their children in similar ways, but they differ significantly in how they speak to them and play games. Their differences complement each another, so it is important that both parents be involved.

Men, especially the husbands of the working women, have been participating increasingly in all the aspects of home and childcare. There is no reason why father should not be able to do their jobs as well as mother and contribute equally in the child’s development. But the benefit is lost if this work is done as a favour, since that implies that it is really not their work but just an unusual degree of generosity on their part. The work should be done in the spirit of an equal partnership.

Some fathers who are not used to the idea of participating in baby care say, “I will wait until the child is a little older.” But valuable time is lost that way. While the father is waiting, the mother becomes an expert. Then it is harder for the father to achieve an equal status as parent later. If your husband is reluctant to play with the baby, it may be because he does not know how, and does not want to admit it. Do not just hand him the bay – hand him the baby and the baby’s favourite toy.

Neera’s husband Vijay spoke only half in jest the time he said, “I hear your favourite person calling!” New fathers have been known to feel jealous and excluded by the intense emotional bond new mothers share with their babies. In such a case, you must assure your husband, that yes, you have a unique bond of love with your baby, but it is totally different from the love you feel for him. Children grow up. Husbands and wives must recognize that they still have and would continue having the need for each other.

Take out time for each other. Even if it is just two hours. Have dinner alone once a week. Establish the fact that the most important couple in the family is the mother and the father.

We all need time for ourselves when we can relax, read, exercise or pursue some other favourite hobby. Those private moments often vanish as you and your husband work overtime to adjust yourselves to your baby’s needs.

When Deepak complained that he missed his weekly office Carrom game, his wife Sheila recognized his need to unwind with his friends. At the same time, she dreaded spending the additional hours by herself after she had been alone with the baby all day. She and Deepak worked out a compromise that gave both of them some respite from parenting. Now Deepak goes for his weekly Carrom game and Sheila calls over one of her friends to spend the evening with her and the baby. In exchange Sheila takes one evening off from babysitting and goes off for shopping, meeting friends while Deepak babysits.

Both the parents need to have some room in their schedule when they do not have to do anything for anyone.

Then there are fathers who feel they are pitching in a lot. Whereas the mothers feel they are doing nothing. In such cases it is wiser to be strategic rather than self-righteous. You must let your husband know that you appreciate his contribution a great deal but you need him to do more.

I think that a father, even if the mother is staying at home, will do a whole lot of good to his baby, his wife and himself, if he takes on part of the management of the baby and also participate in the housework, when he gets home from work and on weekends. As the mother’s patience is generally worn thin by the end of the day. (The father’s would too if he alone had been looking after the baby all day!)

When a father does his share as a matter of course when at home, it does much more than simply lighten his wife’s workload and give her companionship in the work that she had to do alone all day. It shows that he believes this work is crucial for the welfare of the family, that it calls for judgment and skill, and that it is his responsibility as much as it is hers when he is at home. This is what sons and daughters need to see in action if they are to grow up without sexist attitudes.